


Istanbul

by spikewriter



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Friends to Lovers, I'm an optimist, Lost Love, Moving On, Other, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:45:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikewriter/pseuds/spikewriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two old friends from Sunnydale meet years later and far away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Istanbul

**Author's Note:**

> Set some five years after Season 7, this piece appeared unexpectedly the morning after the premiere of "Lessons." Aside from the Spike discussion, the lists at the time were alive with talk of Willow and Giles' comments that the magic was a part of her. That, combined with a few stray thoughts about what Willow was actually going to do with her life once she graduates (following some of the threads for other fics I had in the hopper at the time) produced this.
> 
> Shall we say that I'm an optimist -- that were there's life, there's hope and if we continue to work at it, we will eventually find the balm our spirit needs.

I turned a corner in Istanbul and there he was.

I mean, it wasn't whom I expected. I'd told Oz once that if I was a little old lady - on one of those packaged tours of the Holy Land and Orient grandmothers sometimes take - and turned a corner in Istanbul and found him, I wouldn't be surprised.

But I was surprised. Of course, I wasn't sixty-five, I was twenty-seven and it wasn't Oz but Xander.

We ran into each other…literally…and whatever we were both carrying went flying. We were down on the sidewalk, trying to recover our stuff, exchanging "sorry" and "you know I always do this" before we realized who we were talking to.

We hugged, a warm, comfy feeling that reminded me of the home I hadn't seen for almost five years and said how wonderful the other looked. I meant it; Xander had put on more weight than was good for him and had a head start on a beer belly when I left Sunnydale. He looked pretty fit now, though he was still a big guy. But then, he's always been a big guy.

Since neither one of us claimed to be rushing off to anywhere right away, we found ourselves a little coffee house where we could sit and exchange news. It wasn't the Espresso Pump, but it was good enough. Kinda neat, really; all exotic fabrics and carved chairs with cushions. Probably catered to the tourists with Arabian Nights fantasies…although Istanbul isn't really Arabian Nights territory, is it?

Anyway, we sat down and ordered our drinks and I got to take a good look at my best and oldest friend. He looked a hell of a lot better than when I'd seen him last…but then, the way he looked had been one of the reasons I left Sunnydale.

See, it wasn't just that being on the Hellmouth was like a constant, nagging itch to use my magic in ways I really shouldn't, although what I told Xander and Buffy about that was true and getting out of there was good for me. It was that it hurt too much to see Buffy happy…and it hurt too much to see Xander miserable.

Oh, being uncomfortable with everyone after I tried to kill them after Tara died played a big part too - Xander and Buffy forgave, but Dawn never did and no one can give you a guilty glare like a petulant sixteen-year-old. But the ache in my heart as I watched Buffy help Spike adjust to his soul and saw her fall in love with him, the way he looked at her, how her face would light up when he walked into the room…it reminded me of Tara and what I'd lost. Being around them was an open wound that never healed.

Xander hurt in a different way. It was painful to watch him try to win Anya back and get rejected time and time again. He even tried out lines on me like he used to when we were back in high school; I suppose he figured that since I was, hey, gay now, I wouldn't get offended. But it hurt. It hurt because I could see Anya was not going to take him back and I couldn't even blame her in some ways. I mean, he not only left her at the altar, he left her to tell everyone the ceremony was off. Probably the stupidest thing he ever did. Well, second stupidest…I still count dating Cordelia as the first.

Then there was the whole Buffy and Spike thing that he took about as well as I took his dating Cordelia. Buffy didn't see the problem; said something about "love, give, forgive" and having finally learned what that meant. Xander did his best to deal with it, but every time I was around him, he was radiating pain.

So, between Buffy, Xander and the Hellmouth, I decided it was best I leave Sunnydale. Giles arranged for me to transfer to Oxford, which kept my parents happy so they coughed up the money needed to keep me in bangers and mash. After that, I worked with the Coven and started doing some freelance work for the Council of Watchers, tracking down paranormal activity, things like that. I'm working on an advanced degree, which _really_ makes my mother happy, even if it's not in the field she likes, but last time Giles was in Sunnydale, he dropped some stuff off for me (contrary to rumor, it did not include dirty laundry) and said Mom had a picture I'd sent them of me in the quad at Sommerville framed and placed prominently on the mantle.

Xander was looking at me while I was looking at him, and I had to wonder what he was thinking. I'm sure he noticed I was dressed more conservatively than I did in Sunnydale, but then, I'd figured out I didn't need weird tops and skirts to make myself stand out. (And what had I been thinking with that fuzzy red top? Must have been a demon working its evil influence.) "So, Will," he began, sounding for all the world like the old Xander. "Looking good. What have you been up to in the last, oh, five years?"

No, there was a bit of hurt in his voice and it made me wince. I'd cut the ties with my old life pretty firmly, save for birthday cards and holiday greetings. Away from Sunnydale, it was kinda fun to read about what was happening in Buffy's life, how the slaying was going, Dawn's college career and how Spike's horror novel had been rejected _again_ because his vampires weren't realistic and he should make them more like Anne Rice's because that's what sells, but I didn't really want more than those sometimes reminders. Xander never had been a note writer, though, and while the cards came on the appropriate occasions, there was never anything more than, "Miss you," "Give me a call," or "Doing fine" inside.

"I, uh, I've been good," I managed, feeling really guilty for having cut him out of my life like that. It'd seemed a good idea at the time, but then I didn't think I'd ever see him again. With him sitting no more than two feet away, the guilt was having a field day. "I got my degree."

"Yeah. Buffy told me."

"So everything's alright between you and her...?" I'd meant it as a question, but trailed off when I saw his face. Everything wasn't okay and it didn't take much to guess the sticking point. "I'm sorry."

For a moment his face remained grim, but he tried to lighten it. "Hey, she's the one who's made her bed with Evil Undead, Jr. I just hope…" He sighed. "They fight a lot, Willow; big with the yelling and arguing. She says she's happy, though."

That didn't surprise me, nor did it worry me like it did him. I'd had ringside seats for the first three months Buffy and Spike had shacked up together and one of them was always making the other mad about something. Tempers would flare, but then they'd cool and the two of them would speak to each other so softly and sweetly I sometimes worried I might pass out from insulin shock. Most of the times I just fled to my room and cried, remembering how Tara had looked at me. We won't even go into the make up sex.

Besides, if something were truly wrong, I would have sensed it from Giles. If something were truly wrong, Giles would be the first in line to stake Spike.

I reached out and patted his hand, trying to offer what comfort I could. "We all make our choices, Xander. The best we can do is hope the people we care about are happy with them."

A little squeeze and then I leaned back. "So what's up with you? What are you doing in Istanbul of all places? I mean, I know you had the urge to hit the open road at some point, but here?"

"Actually, I'm working. I, ah, took a job with a construction company in Los Angeles about three months ago. They do work all over the world."

It took a few moments for the implication of what he'd said to sink in. "You left Sunnydale?"

He shrugged. "Wasn't anything there for me anymore. There's my folks, but you know how well I get along with them. Didn't have a girlfriend and it's not like Buffy actually needs me to help with demon-pounding; she's got Spike for that. Seemed like it was time for a new start."

Sunnydale without Xander. It was a strange thought. I mean, he'd always been there, ever since I could remember. Well, at least since the first day of kindergarten when he'd sat next to me after no else wanted to because I was crying over the stupid yellow crayon I broke. Xander seemed to understand how it upset the order of the world, how things weren't neat anymore because my crayons wouldn't line up perfectly in their box now.

All the times I'd needed it most, Xander had been my rock and anchor, my best friend…even if he ignored the fact I was madly in love with him all through school and went for the girls who'd break his heart. Even when I'd left Sunnydale behind, knowing he was there was a comforting thing to me. Now he wasn't and I wasn't quite certain how to deal with the shift of my worldview.

"…it's a good job and good pay," he was saying, half his words gone unheard while my mind wandered. "Most of my stuff's in storage since I'm overseas, but when I get back, I'm going to look into getting a condo or townhouse." He paused. "Maybe even see about finding myself a girl. Gets kind of lonely without someone, y'know."

There was a wistful note to his voice. "Yeah, I know," I told him in response.

"You didn't finish telling me about what you're up to. I mean, the degree thing, but we got sidetracked."

Our drinks arrived and I sipped at mine to buy some time before I continued. Knew better than to delay too long because Xander knows all my tricks for avoiding things. "Okay. The degree thing. Turns out Mom and Dad are thrilled and have decided to accept my 'alternative lifestyle' because my diploma says "Oxford," so they can brag to their friends. I'm studying for an advanced degree, but I'm also doing some work for the Council, investigating weird stuff. Giles says I'm the perfect candidate because not only do I have the whole Wicca package, but being a native of the Hellmouth means I'm not real easily freaked by oogly-booglies."

"Do you see Giles much?"

Uh, oh. More territory that wasn't good to tread on. About six months after I'd started at Oxford, Giles and Anya had eloped, much to everyone's surprise. Buffy had said Xander had taken it hard and he and Giles weren't on speaking terms. "Giles and I kinda work together, so we see each other pretty often. I, uh, see Anya sometimes, too."

Like at least once a month when I was in England. She was more of a help to my research than I liked to admit and I was even finding myself starting to actually think of her as a friend. She made Giles happy, and that was the important thing.

"So she's still with Giles. Hope they're happy." He was quiet for a moment, then smiled again. "Hey, what about your romantic life? You dating anyone?"

Now it was my turn to have ground I didn't necessarily want trod on. "No," I admitted. "I've tried the dating scene, but…I don't know. I wasn't very good at it when we were in school and then there was Oz. And I wasn't looking for anyone after he left, but then there was Tara. When she was gone, there's just been no one who I want to share myself with that way…"

Xander was watching me with that concerned expression he always got when I started to get all wiggy or twitchy. Then he hugged me. Just reached out, pulled me into his arms and wrapped me in the best hug ever. I'd missed my friend so much and it wasn't until that moment that it hit me.

When he finally let me go, I kept hold of his hand, not wanting this moment to end. Xander didn't seem to want to either, but he did look at his watch. "I gotta run. Wish I didn't but…"

"Things to do. I know. I have them too."

We didn't move, however, just sitting there and letting the hot drinks we'd basically ignored cool. Finally, I decided the time was now or never and I had to take the plunge. "We really haven't caught up. I've got tons more to tell you and I don't want you getting away without us catching up properly. You know there's an order to these things."

That brought a real Xander grin. I'd missed that grin so much. "So what's the proper order?"

"Dinner, definitely. And lots of talking. Maybe a whole night of talking. And then you'll walk me home and we'll say goodnight at the door…but we'll make plans for breakfast or lunch or something, just so that we know we're going to see each other again as soon as possible…"

I stopped, realizing I was rambling. "I've missed you. I wish we hadn't been apart so long."

I said the words as simply as I could and watched as they sunk in. "You're not suggesting…" he asked, half-surprised, half-hopeful.

"I'm saying that I've loved…really loved…three people in my life. I thought all of them were gone. Then I turned a corner in Istanbul and there you were."

It was like coming home, the way he looked at me. I'm not saying we fell into each other's arms or anything like that, but that was the beginning. We talked a lot, got to know each other again. My work finished, but I stayed on in Istanbul as long as I could so we could keep talking. After I went back to England, he came to visit for long weekends and we talked more. He's going to see if he can transfer within his company so his home office is in either London or Paris. If he can't, I'll just have to move to LA.

I think I finally understand what Buffy meant when she said "love, give, forgive." Life's kinda empty without love, but you have to be willing to give of yourself and willing to forgive the transgressions, know that just because you don't see eye to eye, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world. It means that love's something you work at all the time, that it's never stagnant.

I'm never again going to have what I had with Tara, because that was what she and I shared and it can't be duplicated because no one else is Tara. I'm never going to have as wildly passionate, dramatic a relationship as Buffy and Spike have or as sophisticated as what Giles and Anya share. What I do have, though, is my best friend, the person who knows me best, who's seen the worst I can do and forgiven and loved me despite all of that. Xander and I, we fit and compliment each other. When we're together there's laughter and calm and a peace that we really haven't had a hell of a lot of in our lives. Together, we're happy, and that ain't bad.

Just this once, though, I'd love to see Buffy and Spike's faces when they get the Christmas card we're sending them.


End file.
